Mostly what I felt when I heard this was relief. It would have been worse for the mother to have died and left 3 kids, one still nursing. Ive become far more accepting of death in this country, or hardened, I cant figure out which.
I went on a theater caravan with my neighbor Kellys group. We sat and drank tea together while the Burkinabes talked about family planning to the teenagers in this neighboring village.
It was amazing to watch really, like being at the center of something big happening, like communion. My village is not at that point at all. My talent and skill is wasted on them. My energy and resources are wasted on them. There is so much I could do but will not; I have to be content that somewhere some Burkinabe is talking about Family Planning.
I am not ready to leave the relationships I have made, but I am ready to leave the work. I think I could do something similar and would like it if only I wasnt forced to reinvent the wheel in a vacuum. My village offers me so little to build on. Before, I had this terrible can do attitude, and I am beginning to see that that motivation would return given the right climate. But not here. I do what I feel like and I stay occupied. Id rather no one talk to me about having done my best though, that makes it all feel like failure. Id rather appear like superwoman, but I see now the people who accomplish that have a great many people underneath them or behind them running around. No one is superwoman in a vacuum.
It has been bitter sweet, my experiences in Burkina. Slowly the end of this experience is descending on me and it has become necessary to make some sense of it...
All wisdom comes at a price, and I have definitely paid for the things that I now know. I am beginning to realize that most people reach a point in their lives where they are unable or unwilling to pay the price of knowledge, and that is the meaning of standing still.
That said, it has been worth it.